Monday, January 25, 2010
Realization
Just when you think it got bored and depressing, interesting. Its like having a job as a court jester, jesturing. You hit a wall head first, your head goes splatter, scattering. And you realize that every voice in the world's important, mattering.
Monday, January 18, 2010
The Wonderful Adventure Called Highschool (Freshman Year)
This is my first post of 2010. I decided to post my experiences about highschool, in hopes that you will comment and share some of your experiences and if you were in school with me, relate what you recognize and or went through yourself. I've entitled this first of four posts The Ninth Grade (Freshman Year). Enjoy.
Highschool. What a wonderful adventure. The final four. I hated high school. But then again, I loved it. Over the years, I've thought about it often. I thought about all the things I did wrong. I would imagine myself doing things differently, only to come back to reality and realized as Morpheus said in The Matrix: Revolutions "It happened the way it happened and could have happened no other way"! (Or something like that.)
I do not want captalize on all of the bad things that happened. But I want to capture some of my thoughts and feelings on different things that occured, from my perspective. That includes the bad things. So, please, accept my apology now. Thank you.
Ninth Grade
Finally. I'm in highschool. I'm rolling with the big boys. But I feel pressure from every side. I'm not one of the "cool kids". I do not have the latest and the greatest as far as clothes is concerned. Bummer. I have no job and very few friends. But I comprehend my school work. What surprises me today is how "certain family aquaintences" were surprised that I was not "dumb". I guess they expected me to be some kind of an idiot because I come from a single parent environment? I don't know. Just an observation.
During this time the Gulf War kicked off. I watched as Operation Desert Shield became Operation Desert Storm. I wondered what was going through the minds of the class of '90 who joined the military and found themselves defending our interests overseas. It scared me and I was just a 14yr old kid.
It was here in the 9th that I learned intimidation. I was very intimidated. I was too afraid to join a gang for protection. But I was too afraid to respond to people "bothering me". Therefore I allowed a lot to pass. But an interesting thing happens when an animal is cornered. He ceases to be the prey and becomes a force to be reckened with. Such was the case playing volley ball in gym class. When, for no reason, (So and So) picked up the ball and threw it in my face. It was not enough that everyone was making fun of me. This kid had to take it one step further. Something inside of me came alive.
My passive side went and took a seat on the bench beside my inner child who drew in his legs, wrapped his arms around his knees and sobbed quietly. My decision making side without thinking or looking at who he was talking to said, "get in there and handle this". The reasonable me said, "who me coach?" But it was too late. The "G" inside of me had already doned his gear and raced out there. He was a monster. I could not stop him. I watched as he walked towards this kid, ball up my fist and went upside his head. CRACK! Everyone on the bench breathed out a collective, "Ooooo!" The "G" side of me stood there quietly waiting for (So and So) to say and do something else. He just looked at me. Self preservation muttered something like "Boo yah!" under his breath. Reason went and escorted "G" off the field. Then I turned and walked off the volleyball court. It is funny how, even after having been punked, (So and So) still had something to say. But I didn't care because I was through listening.
So and So was just one of many intimadating figures I had to deal with. By the time we were seniors, we were not enimies. We were not exactly friends but, we could speak peacably to each other. I even had a small crush on his cute sister who was way older than me and too far out of my league. I mean way out of my league. But that was a small glimpse into my freshman year. Oh yeah, the early '90's was also the end of "safe" rap music. Chubb Rock was banging at the time. So was Public Enemy and Craig Mack. But since then, I do not remember listening to any rap music that didn't involve sex, guns, lust, and or references to pimping ho's.
Next blog: Tenth Grade. I'll be discussing the "glamor girls" vs the "plain Janes" vs the "intellectual girls". Hey, I may even discuss my crush on A. F. and why, today, I can not understand why I liked her in the first place.
Rynal (like that car with the four circles).
Highschool. What a wonderful adventure. The final four. I hated high school. But then again, I loved it. Over the years, I've thought about it often. I thought about all the things I did wrong. I would imagine myself doing things differently, only to come back to reality and realized as Morpheus said in The Matrix: Revolutions "It happened the way it happened and could have happened no other way"! (Or something like that.)
I do not want captalize on all of the bad things that happened. But I want to capture some of my thoughts and feelings on different things that occured, from my perspective. That includes the bad things. So, please, accept my apology now. Thank you.
Ninth Grade
Finally. I'm in highschool. I'm rolling with the big boys. But I feel pressure from every side. I'm not one of the "cool kids". I do not have the latest and the greatest as far as clothes is concerned. Bummer. I have no job and very few friends. But I comprehend my school work. What surprises me today is how "certain family aquaintences" were surprised that I was not "dumb". I guess they expected me to be some kind of an idiot because I come from a single parent environment? I don't know. Just an observation.
During this time the Gulf War kicked off. I watched as Operation Desert Shield became Operation Desert Storm. I wondered what was going through the minds of the class of '90 who joined the military and found themselves defending our interests overseas. It scared me and I was just a 14yr old kid.
It was here in the 9th that I learned intimidation. I was very intimidated. I was too afraid to join a gang for protection. But I was too afraid to respond to people "bothering me". Therefore I allowed a lot to pass. But an interesting thing happens when an animal is cornered. He ceases to be the prey and becomes a force to be reckened with. Such was the case playing volley ball in gym class. When, for no reason, (So and So) picked up the ball and threw it in my face. It was not enough that everyone was making fun of me. This kid had to take it one step further. Something inside of me came alive.
My passive side went and took a seat on the bench beside my inner child who drew in his legs, wrapped his arms around his knees and sobbed quietly. My decision making side without thinking or looking at who he was talking to said, "get in there and handle this". The reasonable me said, "who me coach?" But it was too late. The "G" inside of me had already doned his gear and raced out there. He was a monster. I could not stop him. I watched as he walked towards this kid, ball up my fist and went upside his head. CRACK! Everyone on the bench breathed out a collective, "Ooooo!" The "G" side of me stood there quietly waiting for (So and So) to say and do something else. He just looked at me. Self preservation muttered something like "Boo yah!" under his breath. Reason went and escorted "G" off the field. Then I turned and walked off the volleyball court. It is funny how, even after having been punked, (So and So) still had something to say. But I didn't care because I was through listening.
So and So was just one of many intimadating figures I had to deal with. By the time we were seniors, we were not enimies. We were not exactly friends but, we could speak peacably to each other. I even had a small crush on his cute sister who was way older than me and too far out of my league. I mean way out of my league. But that was a small glimpse into my freshman year. Oh yeah, the early '90's was also the end of "safe" rap music. Chubb Rock was banging at the time. So was Public Enemy and Craig Mack. But since then, I do not remember listening to any rap music that didn't involve sex, guns, lust, and or references to pimping ho's.
Next blog: Tenth Grade. I'll be discussing the "glamor girls" vs the "plain Janes" vs the "intellectual girls". Hey, I may even discuss my crush on A. F. and why, today, I can not understand why I liked her in the first place.
Rynal (like that car with the four circles).
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