I had a disturbing dream. So disturbing that as I sit and type this, right now, I can still feel the fear of it all. It’s been 12 hours since I awoke from that horrifying experience.
I found myself standing in a parking lot. Perhaps I was in parking lot of the apartment complex where I grew up. I’m dressed in my security guard uniform. It’s dark out. I can see just enough. Is it dusk? Or has a dark reddish cloud settled upon everything. I'm not sure. Suddenly I look towards the place my mom’s apartment should have been. Something...no,...someone is charging me. This is the biggest man I have ever seen in my life.
He makes no sound. No grunts, nothing. The only thing that made me aware of his presence was the ground as it trembled beneath my feet, in tune with every step he took towards me. As he drew near me he reached behind his head and produced an ax or a tomahawk of some sort. He came at me with one purpose and that was to get to me.
I was so startled, I managed a yelp. I'm glad I still had the faculties to reach for my pistol. In that instant, I didn’t even know if it was there. Now that I think about it, I don’t even know if the gun would have fired or if the bullets would have even slowed him down. He got closer, closer, and closer still.
I awoke speaking in tongues. I believed it to be a cry for mercy or help from God, the only one I KNOW that can help in such a situation. I’m so relieved that I woke up. I’m equally relieved that it was just a dream. Or was it? I looked at my alarm clock. I had been asleep for approximately 1 to 1 1/2 hours. While I don’t know what the dream meant, I am certain that I don’t want to have it again. My only concern right now is what does that dream mean?
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Friday, April 27, 2012
Reflecting On Spring Conference 2012
Let me first start by saying that I am here by the grace and mercy of God. I thank God the Father and my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for their provisions and the opportunity to even come here. Like so many I could have left and been doing my own thing. Yet, God is merciful and I owe Him so much. I owe it to Him to stay and to fulfill my reasonable service.
Getting Started
I was going to drive my own car but I had some troubles with it that prevented that. It seems my car needed some repairs, which I already knew of. So I ended up riding with someone else which is perfectly fine. All the money I had for gas, I took it and gave it to them. At first it seemed like we were all going to miss another Conference, but in the end, here we are. On the way I was so amazed at how it all worked out that we could all go, that I had to make a post about it on Google +. I could feel in my spirit that God was congruent with my decision to get there regardless of the cost. I thanked Him then and there while we were on the road.
The first night was like a struggle for me. I felt like I was holding back or like I should make myself feel a certain way. Of course we do not live life by our feelings. So I ignored them and decided to just get in. and let what happen, happen. Rev Olsen preached the first night and the message was so very encouraging. Immediately I began to review my life, its direction, and my decisions both past and present. I looked on at my personal relationships I’d formed over the years. I looked on with regret at the ones I did not form. I can make an abundance of excuses but in the end, the fault is mine and the past cannot be redone. I definitely plan to form more relationships, better relationships in the coming years.
My Ministry
My main concern in this conference is my ministry. Where is it going? I feel like it could be so much better. I feel like things could be so different for me. I should be pastoring a work right now! Yet, I’m not. Why? I know why but I’m not going into detail here. The short answer is, "me". I am the reason that I am where I am and only I can change that. I feel like I’ve put my ministry on the shelf. I have allowed the lack of finances, a lack of an education, and other personal devices to come in and choke out my ministry. If I am indeed the gardener, it is high time to get some weeds and stones out of the way so that my ministry can begin to produce fruit.
So starting right now, I’m changing things. This is me making a difference in the world. I’m making a difference by overcoming the obstacles that are in my way. I can overcome them and have done so already because my master has already overcome.
1 John 4:4, "Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world."
Interpreting The Skit
The Wednesday morning conference service featured a skit. As it stands, I am a fan of situational comedies. The skit was very funny but the lesson within dealt directly with real life situations. As we live our lives for God, things happen that wear on us. These things are little, subtle. They won’t occur all at once, but little by little. Bit by bit. In this manner, the enemy of our soul manages to strip away our armor leaving us defenseless. That armor which is given to us by God so that we may protect ourselves against those things that would come against us and destroy us. As each scene went on and ended, the soldier found himself being de-armed until finally he was completely defenseless. Once he was defenseless, he was attacked by many obstacles. Doubt, circumventing questions, money problems (the need for more or the want for more), social networking, video games, success in endeavors other than that of God, all of these things attacked him.
The soldier realized that he was not completely unarmed. He still had prayer. It wasn’t long before he reacquired his shield of faith, and his sword which is the Word of God, that he was able to fight and defeat some of these enemies. It wasn’t much longer after that before he defeated everyone and regained the helmet of salvation and the other pieces of armor necessary for survival.
In my own life, I see that I cannot change the past. I can’t make people like me nor can I make them love me. What I can do is go to war. I can put my armor on and fight. God is the one who I must please. If I can improve my relationship with Him, coupled with doing what I am supposed to do (developing habits of prayer, studying to show myself approved, a workman unto God, soul winning) everything will fall into place. By faith, prayer, bible reading/study, doing what is right, being right before God and man, I can regain my power. I can establish myself as a man of God. I can make my calling and election sure.
Removing Barriers
Tonight’s service was different. It was the second night that someone did not get to preach. I suspect that particular minister didn’t mind, because the Holy Ghost is the order of the service. Tonight He had his way. Tonight I tore down barriers that I had allowed to be in my heart and mind. I realize that I was being very pessimistic and allowing the enemy of my soul to lie to me. I will not do that again. I’m going to be positive, keep looking up and pressing forward in my life to God.
I trust God. I believe in Him. I have faith in Him. I know the things He has done for me and I know that I my service to him is only reasonable.
Over Too Soon
We finally, albeit quickly, reached the last service. At first it did not look like anyone was going to preach again, but finally the song service came down. I do not know what the last song the choir sang was, but it seemed . . . "not ready". Perhaps it is because I never heard the song before, I don’t know. I just did not like it. It’s not that it was a bad song, I just think the choir needs to practice it a little more . . .maybe a lot more.
Then the Reverend was called upon to preach. Even he admitted he did not expect to preach that night. Looking back on the service and the content of the message, it was probably best that he did preach. This was the summary message, the one to send us home.
Jude 1:12-13, "These are spots in your feasts of charity, when they feast with you, feeding themselves without fear: clouds they are without water, carried about of winds; trees whose fruit withereth, without fruit, twice dead, plucked up by the roots; (13) Raging waves of the sea, foaming out their own shame; wandering stars, to whom is reserved the blackness of darkness forever."
Revelation 3:1-6, "And unto the angel of the church in Sardis write; These things saith he that hath the seven Spirits of God, and the seven stars; I know thy works, that thou hast a name that thou livest, and art dead. (2) Be watchful, and strengthen the things which remain, that are ready to die: for I have not found thy works perfect before God. (3) Remember therefore how thou hast received and heard, and hold fast, and repent. If therefore thou shalt not watch, I will come on thee as a thief, and thou shalt not know what hour I will come upon thee. (4) Thou hast a few names even in Sardis which have not defiled their garments; and they shall walk with me in white: for they are worthy. (5) He that overcometh, the same shall be clothed in white raiment; and I will not blot out his name out of the book of life, but I will confess his name before my Father, and before his angels. (6) He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches."
The above verses are what Rev Kekel covered in his message entitled: "Hate The Garment". I wish I had the memory to put everything I heard back together for you, sadly, I do not. What I do know is we do not have to walk around in stained garments. We do not have to be those clouds without water, trees without fruit, waves of foam, or wandering stars. We can come to Jesus Christ and through #1 Faith, #2 The Blood of Jesus, and #3 a Strong Resolve, keep clean our garments and overcome in our lives for God. There is no need to be a hypocrite oppressed by our pride, hatred, jealously, and et cetera. All of these things can be done away with by faith in the Lamb of God. He is an overcomer. THE overcomer. It is because He overcame that we are able to over come. 1 John 4:4, "Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world."
Getting Started
I was going to drive my own car but I had some troubles with it that prevented that. It seems my car needed some repairs, which I already knew of. So I ended up riding with someone else which is perfectly fine. All the money I had for gas, I took it and gave it to them. At first it seemed like we were all going to miss another Conference, but in the end, here we are. On the way I was so amazed at how it all worked out that we could all go, that I had to make a post about it on Google +. I could feel in my spirit that God was congruent with my decision to get there regardless of the cost. I thanked Him then and there while we were on the road.
The first night was like a struggle for me. I felt like I was holding back or like I should make myself feel a certain way. Of course we do not live life by our feelings. So I ignored them and decided to just get in. and let what happen, happen. Rev Olsen preached the first night and the message was so very encouraging. Immediately I began to review my life, its direction, and my decisions both past and present. I looked on at my personal relationships I’d formed over the years. I looked on with regret at the ones I did not form. I can make an abundance of excuses but in the end, the fault is mine and the past cannot be redone. I definitely plan to form more relationships, better relationships in the coming years.
My Ministry
My main concern in this conference is my ministry. Where is it going? I feel like it could be so much better. I feel like things could be so different for me. I should be pastoring a work right now! Yet, I’m not. Why? I know why but I’m not going into detail here. The short answer is, "me". I am the reason that I am where I am and only I can change that. I feel like I’ve put my ministry on the shelf. I have allowed the lack of finances, a lack of an education, and other personal devices to come in and choke out my ministry. If I am indeed the gardener, it is high time to get some weeds and stones out of the way so that my ministry can begin to produce fruit.
So starting right now, I’m changing things. This is me making a difference in the world. I’m making a difference by overcoming the obstacles that are in my way. I can overcome them and have done so already because my master has already overcome.
1 John 4:4, "Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world."
Interpreting The Skit
The Wednesday morning conference service featured a skit. As it stands, I am a fan of situational comedies. The skit was very funny but the lesson within dealt directly with real life situations. As we live our lives for God, things happen that wear on us. These things are little, subtle. They won’t occur all at once, but little by little. Bit by bit. In this manner, the enemy of our soul manages to strip away our armor leaving us defenseless. That armor which is given to us by God so that we may protect ourselves against those things that would come against us and destroy us. As each scene went on and ended, the soldier found himself being de-armed until finally he was completely defenseless. Once he was defenseless, he was attacked by many obstacles. Doubt, circumventing questions, money problems (the need for more or the want for more), social networking, video games, success in endeavors other than that of God, all of these things attacked him.
The soldier realized that he was not completely unarmed. He still had prayer. It wasn’t long before he reacquired his shield of faith, and his sword which is the Word of God, that he was able to fight and defeat some of these enemies. It wasn’t much longer after that before he defeated everyone and regained the helmet of salvation and the other pieces of armor necessary for survival.
In my own life, I see that I cannot change the past. I can’t make people like me nor can I make them love me. What I can do is go to war. I can put my armor on and fight. God is the one who I must please. If I can improve my relationship with Him, coupled with doing what I am supposed to do (developing habits of prayer, studying to show myself approved, a workman unto God, soul winning) everything will fall into place. By faith, prayer, bible reading/study, doing what is right, being right before God and man, I can regain my power. I can establish myself as a man of God. I can make my calling and election sure.
Removing Barriers
Tonight’s service was different. It was the second night that someone did not get to preach. I suspect that particular minister didn’t mind, because the Holy Ghost is the order of the service. Tonight He had his way. Tonight I tore down barriers that I had allowed to be in my heart and mind. I realize that I was being very pessimistic and allowing the enemy of my soul to lie to me. I will not do that again. I’m going to be positive, keep looking up and pressing forward in my life to God.
I trust God. I believe in Him. I have faith in Him. I know the things He has done for me and I know that I my service to him is only reasonable.
Over Too Soon
We finally, albeit quickly, reached the last service. At first it did not look like anyone was going to preach again, but finally the song service came down. I do not know what the last song the choir sang was, but it seemed . . . "not ready". Perhaps it is because I never heard the song before, I don’t know. I just did not like it. It’s not that it was a bad song, I just think the choir needs to practice it a little more . . .maybe a lot more.
Then the Reverend was called upon to preach. Even he admitted he did not expect to preach that night. Looking back on the service and the content of the message, it was probably best that he did preach. This was the summary message, the one to send us home.
Jude 1:12-13, "These are spots in your feasts of charity, when they feast with you, feeding themselves without fear: clouds they are without water, carried about of winds; trees whose fruit withereth, without fruit, twice dead, plucked up by the roots; (13) Raging waves of the sea, foaming out their own shame; wandering stars, to whom is reserved the blackness of darkness forever."
Revelation 3:1-6, "And unto the angel of the church in Sardis write; These things saith he that hath the seven Spirits of God, and the seven stars; I know thy works, that thou hast a name that thou livest, and art dead. (2) Be watchful, and strengthen the things which remain, that are ready to die: for I have not found thy works perfect before God. (3) Remember therefore how thou hast received and heard, and hold fast, and repent. If therefore thou shalt not watch, I will come on thee as a thief, and thou shalt not know what hour I will come upon thee. (4) Thou hast a few names even in Sardis which have not defiled their garments; and they shall walk with me in white: for they are worthy. (5) He that overcometh, the same shall be clothed in white raiment; and I will not blot out his name out of the book of life, but I will confess his name before my Father, and before his angels. (6) He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches."
The above verses are what Rev Kekel covered in his message entitled: "Hate The Garment". I wish I had the memory to put everything I heard back together for you, sadly, I do not. What I do know is we do not have to walk around in stained garments. We do not have to be those clouds without water, trees without fruit, waves of foam, or wandering stars. We can come to Jesus Christ and through #1 Faith, #2 The Blood of Jesus, and #3 a Strong Resolve, keep clean our garments and overcome in our lives for God. There is no need to be a hypocrite oppressed by our pride, hatred, jealously, and et cetera. All of these things can be done away with by faith in the Lamb of God. He is an overcomer. THE overcomer. It is because He overcame that we are able to over come. 1 John 4:4, "Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world."
Monday, December 12, 2011
Poetry For The Lesser Minded
poetry for the lesser minded
a crayola box for the color blinded
they searched all over but couldn't find it
yet this is where we hide it
a secret place set in plain sight
to store our power, display our might
to soothe our fears we bottle up tight
taking our fraternity to a higher height
knowing the truth, they won't get behind it
the authorities have classified it
no dictionary would dare define it
this poetry of the greater minded
a crayola box for the color blinded
they searched all over but couldn't find it
yet this is where we hide it
a secret place set in plain sight
to store our power, display our might
to soothe our fears we bottle up tight
taking our fraternity to a higher height
knowing the truth, they won't get behind it
the authorities have classified it
no dictionary would dare define it
this poetry of the greater minded
Thursday, June 23, 2011
The Awful Slayer
her skin is smooth and perfect
her hair, like fine silk, shining
her hand's gentle effect
is me uncontrollably smiling
i wish that I could steal her
& from desirous men protect
i've become the awful slayer
eliminating every threat
100 men are insufficient
1000 men won't do
10000 are most deficient
in keeping me away from you...MY girl!
her hair, like fine silk, shining
her hand's gentle effect
is me uncontrollably smiling
i wish that I could steal her
& from desirous men protect
i've become the awful slayer
eliminating every threat
100 men are insufficient
1000 men won't do
10000 are most deficient
in keeping me away from you...MY girl!
Monday, May 16, 2011
The Book of My Life
Life is a series of transitions. It is nothing more than an author writing a book. We are all the authors of our own lives. We have a definite say in which way our lives go. We choose. When we don't choose or refuse to choose, we choose still.
Chapters open in our lives and they close. You may have noticed that leaving high school, you had a realization that this was it. This is the end of the road. It is now time for me to enter adult life. We were novices who thought we knew it all.
This was me 17 years ago. The longer I live the more I realize that I am crossing threshold after threshold, ending chapter after chapter and I cannot help but wonder, what is it that I am going to publish about myself.
These words cannot be unwritten, edited for mature audiences, or banned from any reading list. It cannot be undone because it is the truth. The truth is the truth. Sometimes I love the truth and sometimes truth gets ugly and I dare not face it. Yet it stands there waiting for my acknowledgement.
One truth I am realizing now is this, I am concerned. Things are changing at such a rapid rate that I can not fathom the real speed at which I am traveling. As I look back at the pages upon pages, chapters upon chapters of my life written by my choices with the ink of purpose, forming characters of memories whose jots and tittles remind me of the good times and haunt me with the bad, I cannot help but wonder what is in the next chapter?
Will it be the final chapter? Will I attain novel status as did my grandmother? Or will the ancient field-hand claim me with his sharp scythe, whose blade cuts steadily and indiscriminately. What, I wonder, will the Great Critic of mankind say concerning what I have written?
Chapters open in our lives and they close. You may have noticed that leaving high school, you had a realization that this was it. This is the end of the road. It is now time for me to enter adult life. We were novices who thought we knew it all.
This was me 17 years ago. The longer I live the more I realize that I am crossing threshold after threshold, ending chapter after chapter and I cannot help but wonder, what is it that I am going to publish about myself.
These words cannot be unwritten, edited for mature audiences, or banned from any reading list. It cannot be undone because it is the truth. The truth is the truth. Sometimes I love the truth and sometimes truth gets ugly and I dare not face it. Yet it stands there waiting for my acknowledgement.
One truth I am realizing now is this, I am concerned. Things are changing at such a rapid rate that I can not fathom the real speed at which I am traveling. As I look back at the pages upon pages, chapters upon chapters of my life written by my choices with the ink of purpose, forming characters of memories whose jots and tittles remind me of the good times and haunt me with the bad, I cannot help but wonder what is in the next chapter?
Will it be the final chapter? Will I attain novel status as did my grandmother? Or will the ancient field-hand claim me with his sharp scythe, whose blade cuts steadily and indiscriminately. What, I wonder, will the Great Critic of mankind say concerning what I have written?
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
The Lord, the Pleading Man, & the Game Room
I had a dream last night. I was with an Angel. He stood 5’ 7” with dark curly hair. He even spoke in a jovial, upbeat, and wise cracking manner. He seemed like any other guy with a job to do. I got to tag along as an observer. We met with a new arrival. When he spoke to the angel he was kind of defensive and quick to justify himself. “I lived a good life”, he said pointedly. The angel did not get mad or upset as the guy seemed to be the “in your face’ type. He simply told him, “Okay, we’ll see what kind of life you lived.” Then he warned, “I WILL find out too.”
Then the angel and I left. We reviewed the man’s life. It was not like watching a television show. It was like scene around us dissipated and reformed and we were in his life. We watched him live. We saw the good and the bad. We eventually watched him commit a crime against another human being. He had no love whatsoever! What a selfish thing to do.
After that last scene, I believe the Angel saw enough, or at least all He could stomach. We went back. We stood with the man in question in a room with white floors and walls. In this room were people playing all sorts of games. The games were strange to me and all different. Yet, I understood the premise of each one like an inherited knowledge from just being there. One of the games closely resembled chess only the pieces were red and white…possibly and the board was triangle shaped with raised half inch borders. Some people were winning, and some people were losing badly. The ones who were losing were loud and seemed to shout in unison, but over all they were happy.
The Angel sat with His leg crossed and His desk/table to His back. He was obviously in charge. The man stood in front of him waiting to listen. I stood off to the side of the Angel, still observing. He opened his mouth and spoke to the man. “You tried to deceive me!” He said pointedly. “No, I … let me explain” are the effect of what the man on trial said. “I SAW what you did!” The Angel said effectively shutting the man’s protesting and arguments down. He gestured to the people playing games around the room and said to the man, “Do you see all of these people playing here? You are EVERYONE who is losing. This is your sentence to be carried out immediately.” There was no joy in this decision nor it’s decree.
There was nothing else the man could say. He stood silent and non-argumentative. The Angel turned around to His desk. Though I stood there fearing, I asked, “Is he going to Hell now”? The Angel did not answer. Then I thought on the Angel’s words … “You tried to deceive me!” It was then that I realized that this was no mere angel. This was Jesus Himself. The man tried to lie to Jesus and failed miserably. Did he think he would get away? Did he think that God would just overlook his “indiscretions”? No matter what he thought, his beliefs were met with disappointment.
As I stood before the Angel who seemed to ignore my presence, I realized that one day, I too would have to stand before Him. I also realized that He would not overlook my “indiscretions”. My mind was flooded with this sobering thought and I think myself privileged to receive such a serious warning. My dream of the Lord, the pleading man, and the game room began to cloud over and I awoke in my bed … with my mind on Jesus and my heart in awe.
Then the angel and I left. We reviewed the man’s life. It was not like watching a television show. It was like scene around us dissipated and reformed and we were in his life. We watched him live. We saw the good and the bad. We eventually watched him commit a crime against another human being. He had no love whatsoever! What a selfish thing to do.
After that last scene, I believe the Angel saw enough, or at least all He could stomach. We went back. We stood with the man in question in a room with white floors and walls. In this room were people playing all sorts of games. The games were strange to me and all different. Yet, I understood the premise of each one like an inherited knowledge from just being there. One of the games closely resembled chess only the pieces were red and white…possibly and the board was triangle shaped with raised half inch borders. Some people were winning, and some people were losing badly. The ones who were losing were loud and seemed to shout in unison, but over all they were happy.
The Angel sat with His leg crossed and His desk/table to His back. He was obviously in charge. The man stood in front of him waiting to listen. I stood off to the side of the Angel, still observing. He opened his mouth and spoke to the man. “You tried to deceive me!” He said pointedly. “No, I … let me explain” are the effect of what the man on trial said. “I SAW what you did!” The Angel said effectively shutting the man’s protesting and arguments down. He gestured to the people playing games around the room and said to the man, “Do you see all of these people playing here? You are EVERYONE who is losing. This is your sentence to be carried out immediately.” There was no joy in this decision nor it’s decree.
There was nothing else the man could say. He stood silent and non-argumentative. The Angel turned around to His desk. Though I stood there fearing, I asked, “Is he going to Hell now”? The Angel did not answer. Then I thought on the Angel’s words … “You tried to deceive me!” It was then that I realized that this was no mere angel. This was Jesus Himself. The man tried to lie to Jesus and failed miserably. Did he think he would get away? Did he think that God would just overlook his “indiscretions”? No matter what he thought, his beliefs were met with disappointment.
As I stood before the Angel who seemed to ignore my presence, I realized that one day, I too would have to stand before Him. I also realized that He would not overlook my “indiscretions”. My mind was flooded with this sobering thought and I think myself privileged to receive such a serious warning. My dream of the Lord, the pleading man, and the game room began to cloud over and I awoke in my bed … with my mind on Jesus and my heart in awe.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Mom In Retrospect
She made me go places I didn't want to
& to say I'm sorry. She made me eat
food that I thought so nasty, and to
go to bed early.
She made me carry the heavy stuff,
after all I'm a strong man! Whenever
we crossed the street she made me hold
her hand.
I couldn't go to party's though I went
when she didn't know, but she just had
to ask the question, "Last night, where
did you go"?
It's half as cruel to beat me as to
make me get my own switch. “An attitude
adjustment tool”, I believe that was
her pitch.
Through all of life's ups and downs
retrospect reveals its ebb and flow.
I am the man I am today because of her,
you know.
If I should be a dad one day I’ll make
sure my kids understand, what a wonderful
woman you are, and you filled your role
in God’s plan.
& to say I'm sorry. She made me eat
food that I thought so nasty, and to
go to bed early.
She made me carry the heavy stuff,
after all I'm a strong man! Whenever
we crossed the street she made me hold
her hand.
I couldn't go to party's though I went
when she didn't know, but she just had
to ask the question, "Last night, where
did you go"?
It's half as cruel to beat me as to
make me get my own switch. “An attitude
adjustment tool”, I believe that was
her pitch.
Through all of life's ups and downs
retrospect reveals its ebb and flow.
I am the man I am today because of her,
you know.
If I should be a dad one day I’ll make
sure my kids understand, what a wonderful
woman you are, and you filled your role
in God’s plan.
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